Guilt
by zivaisthetype
Summary: Tony visits the Navy Lodge after Ziva returns from Somlia.  OneShot TIVA


So I really like the beginning of this story A LOT more than the end. This story might make a little more sense if you read the two of my ONEshots before (**Revenge **and **Driven**) it might make the story a lot more meaningfull. I hope youtry to enjoy this, like I said, the beginning is a lot more better than the end.

* * *

><p>He paced outside of her room. It was her first night back and with her apartment being blown to bits a few days before she left, she had no where else to stay but the Navy Lodge. Everyone tried to keep her at the hospital for a night but with Ziva being…well Ziva, she refused and said that she would be '<em>fine<em>.' Tony had resisted leaving her alone for the first few hours after she left the hospital, but as the clock hit 1200 hrs, he couldn't take it anymore.

Now Tony just stood outside of her room, staring. He walked up and down the hallway debating with himself whether he should knock on the door or call her phone or just leave. _She probably isn't awake_, he thought. She had had a rough couple of months; she was most likely sleeping it off. Our maybe she wasn't sleeping at all, maybe she couldn't. Finally, Tony worked up enough courage to approach the door and gently knock. He could barely hear the knocks himself. Tony could not…_would not _knock louder.

_You're being stupid_, he thought, _the last thing she wants to see is you_. Tony listened to his brain and began to walk slowly towards the elevators. She would be fine for one night; he would come and see her first time tomorrow morning. He hit the 'down' button for the elevator and waiting impatiently for it to arrive. He stuck his hands deep down in his pockets and shifted his weight from foot to foot. Tony peeked around the hall to take one last look at her room. The door was shut. The hallway was empty. And Ziva was most likely sleeping.

"I am right here, Tony."

He jumped up and turned around to find Ziva leaning up against the wall wearing the Lodge's complimentary pajamas. She looked tired, sad, and weak. He decided he would let the 'Mossad super powers' or 'sneaky ninja' jokes go for tonight. He could tell she didn't need that now, she needed comfort and love.

"Hey." He whispered walking closer to his partner. Tony took his hands out of his pockets and went to give her a hug. She responded by crossing her arms and looking down at the ground.

"I am cold. Do you think we could talk in my room?" She mumbled to the floor. Before Tony could respond Ziva began walking back to her room. He followed, studying her as they walked. She had lost confidence; he could tell by the way she walked. She hunched rather than walking with her back straight up like Ziva would usually do. She pushed open her door that she had left cracked. The lights were off and the room was dark but once his eyes adjusted, he could see her sitting on the bed expecting him to do the same. He didn't.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked looking at her in the darkness.

"No, I was already awake." She sighed. Ziva still wouldn't look up at him. She used to always look at him when then talked. Tony loved that about her. She wasn't afraid to look him in the eyes, never. When Tony didn't respond she spoke up again. "I had a…nightmare."

He walked over to the bed and sat down close to her, pulling her into him. Tony felt her flinch when he first touched her, but then her whole body relaxed. She dug her face into his shirt and began to sob. All he did was rub her back, hoping she would calm down soon. Tony didn't know what to do. He wasn't good with crying women, especially Ziva, who never cried.

That's when it hit him. She had gone through a lot more than what everyone had thought. Everyone saw Ziva as invincible. She was a strong woman that no one could ever break. But here she was, Ziva, _crying_ into his shirt. He dug his head in her back, holding her even tighter. She had gone through hell, and it was his entire fault. He hadn't given her a choice; he had just sent her away. He _should've_ been there for her. Now he felt his silent tears fall on her pajama shirt. Tony lifted his head up and wiped them away quickly.

Through her loud sobs, he heard her mumbling something. At first, he couldn't make out her words. Tony helped her head onto his shoulder. She was still crying hard, but now he could understand her now. "I am sorry." Ziva kept repeating it into his ear, over and over again. Here he was, feeling guilty as ever about what she had to go through, and she was the one apologizing to him. He took his hand and lifted her chin so that their faces were close. It was the first time he had looked deep into her eyes. They were not bright and full of life anymore. Her eyes were dead. There was no hope or love in them anymore.

"Why are you apologizing?" He whispered brushing away all the misplaced hairs that covered her face.

"I should not have left NCIS. I should not have left you. I should not have chose my father over my _family_." Her cheeks filled with tears once again. Tony tried wiping away them as fast as he could, but they just kept coming, along with her apologies. "I am sorry about Rivkin, I am sorry for how I treated you, I am sorry that I left…"

"Just stop Ziva." Tony finally interrupted her making her head go back down to his chest so she could cry even more. She wrapped her arms around his body and cried even harder. He held her head in one hand and her body in the other. Once Ziva's sobs got a little quieter, he began to talk.

"Don't be sorry Ziva. No one blames you for anything, especially the team." He stroked her hair. "We all still love you. _I _still _love _you. Saleem, Somalia, none of it is your fault. And your father," he paused to take in a deep breath, "he's not a good guy."

"But I should have trusted your judgment." She said only letting a few tears slip out.

"This wasn't your fault, Ziva."

"But…" She didn't get to finish. Tony had gently pulled her head off his shoulder and pushed her lips onto his. He couldn't handle her blaming herself, kissing her was the only thing he could do to make her shut up. To make her realize they all still accepted her. To make her know that he still loved her. He could feel her start to shake, but she still kissed back. He figured the shaking was her nerves; maybe Saleem's men had put her through more than just beatings. Tony pulled back. He couldn't kiss her with those thoughts about her on his mind.

"Sorry." Ziva said, knowing she had started to shake a little as he touched her. "I guess I am just…" She couldn't find the right words to explain what Saleem and his men had done. They sat side by side on the bed now. Finally, after a long few seconds of silence, Tony reached over and grabbed her hand. Their eyes both connected.

"I don't know what happened to you over the past three months. I don't know how you're feeling. I don't know what you're going through. And I don't know when you're going to want to talk about it. But when you do want to talk about it, I hope you know I'll be there for you, always. But please stop saying sorry, because the only thing I do know is that you have nothing to be sorry for, okay?" He tried to sound sincere about it, but she started to sob again. "Ziva, I didn't mean to make you cry…"

But he was silenced by her lips on his again. She tried to kiss him a little longer than before, but her body began to shake again. It was time for her to pull away. "Stay with me?" She asked, fearing that she would have more nightmares if he left. He nodded and they both made themselves comfortable in the hotel bed.

"You know this brings back memories from when we were undercover." Tony said, trying to lighten up her mood. She laughed and nodded. Ziva leaned into his body and he wrapped his arm around her body.

"When I am ready to talk, you promise you will be here for me?" Ziva asked.

"Of course." He whispered into her ear. And with that, Ziva fell asleep peacefully. Tony held her in his arms happy that he had her. Never did he think she would ever be in his life again let alone being in his arms. He hugged her tight thinking of what they had said to each other in Saleem's bunker, _I love you_.

Tony knew she would need time to recover. He could already tell the guilt was over powering her. Hell, the guilt was over powering him. They both felt guilty for what they had put each other through. But they both knew they were going to help each other through it. Maybe Tony would help her through it more, but he was willing. He would help her through anything, and she would do they same. They both felt guilt, but they also both felt love. And that was what would push them both through past the last three months.

* * *

><p>Reviews make me happy(: I don't really like the end, I kind of lost the whole point of the story at the end, but I don't know how about you review and tell me what you think?(: BIG thanks to <em>ForeignMusicLyrics <em>for helping me out big time with this story, you are truly amazing! Also thanks to _Dixie Dewdrop_ for your review on the last story. As always, thanks so much for reading!

-Sam


End file.
